Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
