I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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