Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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