Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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