I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Come see our sink grown plant.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize