My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
