they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
