Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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