don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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