Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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