um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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