I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
