My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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