It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
