I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
