So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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