The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
