my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
