Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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