did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
