nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
‪He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life‬
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
