yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
