I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
