and you said cock pushups were impossible
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
