if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
