you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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