shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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