I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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