there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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