idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
