i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
