He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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