In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
