She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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