me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You ate ashes out of my bong
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
