I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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