sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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