He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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