I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
