Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I will be naked everywhere
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
