every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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