I wanna bring you to show and tell
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
