wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
