Where did you get a picture of my penis
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize