wrigley field is MILF paradise
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
