did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
