Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
