dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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