The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
