I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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