I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
