Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
