I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
