I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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