I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She even gives head with a lisp.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Do you have feelings for this penis?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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