Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
