I hope mine doesn't look like that
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
