I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
