i would punch a child for taco bell
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
