It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
