I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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