Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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