As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My ATM looks so different sober.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
