He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
