he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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