How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
