Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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