someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I would ride that face into the sunset
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
