Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
