I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
