what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize