in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
