I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
