I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My butt remains clenched, sir.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
