I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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