I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
