I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize