you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
