I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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