I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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